emotions

i believe that your own emotions are also affected by people close to you or those you are in constant contact.

it is hard enough to be away from your family, specially if you are 8500 miles away but living with other people makes it even harder. i thinking living alone would be better. but you have to make choices and have to make do with what you are dealt with.

you think you know a person since you have been his or her acquaintance for the last 25 yrs, but mate, unless you have lived under the same roof with them, you can never say that you know them. you will get to know their quirks and idiosyncrasies faster than anything. since coming here to the US, i have lived with two families, the first one well, they have issues and you sort of get in caught in between. you don't really know where to place yourself specially when father and daughter start arguing...you just lock yourself inside your room and try to block out the things you hear. and the feeling of being restricted in your movement, i have never felt so trapped or deprived of freedom in my whole life, ...but its their house (i would be kidding myself if i call it a home) so its their rules...my mate who lives in another part of the house has his own set of rules....i just have to live with that and try to make sense of things and keep myself healthy.... the hard part is you also feel like a prisoner since i don't have my own car...so i go with the flow and where it takes me....its a good thing i was able to get out of there...it just adds to the loneliness that i experience....so i moved to another mate of mine...and i reckon i will have more freedom and be happier...i was dead wrong...this bloke has issues as well...for a someone who is expecting his family to arrive and settle here after 4 years, he seems not a happy camper....and man...he has depression and sadness written all over him...like he has this dark cloud over him....he refuses to pick-up after himself....fair dincum, the hardest part is that sadness is being passed on to me....he is so gloomy and it just makes me feel like not getting up in the morning.

i try my best to talk to him and bring out happier feelings, but mate, its like this bloke has just given up, he hates his work, and the situation he is in, but like i always tell him, you make your own decisions and you yourself decide what makes you happy. it is not enough you complain or vent that you hate your job...mate you have to do something about it.

for now, i am trying to stay put....but i am looking at my options....i would rather live alone in solitude than live with blokes likes this, they just bring down my spirits, its their choice to live like that and i have to make my own.

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